You’ve just recently resigned and now your boss calls a meeting and wants to discuss why you’re leaving.  This is one of the most awkward conversations you’ll ever have and based on our years of experience helping hundreds of executives coast to coast and internationally, here are a few recommendations and observations.

It is our belief that there is very little upside in it for you to accept a counter offer to stay.

We recommend keeping these two principles in mind in the days following your resignation especially if you’re scheduled for a meeting to discuss your departure.

Don’t disclose the salary you’re being offered by the other company. Otherwise you are giving your boss the ammunition to offer you a short-term solution to their problem.

Remind them of what you put in your resignation letter. We recommend that you have the document with you with the words that go something like this:

 “My decision is final – I’ve decided to accept an offer with a new employer and I’ve appreciated the time I’ve worked here.

Ask your boss this key question:

What can I do to make the new person comfortable in my old role?  I will do everything in the next two weeks to help train them?

This will show that you’re a team player and that you care, it’s the ultimate way to show them that you are committed to them until your last day.

When resigning it’s always best not to look back on that decision or show any lack of commitment.

Other Transition phrases:

1. I’ve made a decision not to look back on my decision to leave.

2. I’m willing to help transition someone new into my position and ensure a smooth transition.

3. It’s been an honor working at ( ) for the past (____) years and I’ve enjoyed my time with the company and will miss my team members”.

Companies and Bosses go into panic mode.

They quickly offer you better incentives, like more money or a job promotion–but as enticing as the counteroffer may be, most career experts say you shouldn’t accept.

If you your boss does propose a counteroffer, you’ll have to weigh the risks and benefits, and determine what the best decision is for you.

Let’s face it “While it’s flattering to be so sought-after, it’s probably not worth the risk in most cases,” to accept a counter-offer.

Consider the reason you were looking for a new job in the first place.

1. Was it only about money?

2. What about the new challenge, new colleagues, a new corporate culture, or flexibility at work?

3. Here is the big one?  Why did they wait until now to take the time to sit down with you to address any concerns or to attempt to flatter you with a new position or title?

4. One other reason it might not be a smart move to accept the counteroffer: You’d burn two bridges at once.

5. We have found that “the other organization would be unlikely to ever look at hiring you again.

6. We also have found that often times your current employer will question your motives (and the relationship may quickly sour, resulting in a need for you to conduct another search)

Depending how much people talk who you are connected with…you may gain a reputation as a “counteroffer” king or queen and someone who is not decisive.

Employers want a short- term fix.

We have also found that many employers’ and specifically the bosses will panic and they want you to stick around long enough to find a replacement, and paying a little extra now is worth it in terms of keeping the train moving, versus the potential delays and issues that would arise from an empty manager role.

Here is why it can be dangerous for the executive. Once the crisis is over and they have retained you with a short-term fix, they may view you as disloyal and never trust you again.

Research shows that most companies view people who have resigned and accepted a counter offer as a flight risk and will keep you around long enough to find a replacement.  To them paying a little extra short term is worth it in a tight employment market.

Remember this key thing:

• While it’s flattering to be so sought-after, it’s probably not worth the risk in most cases.

• We believe there is very little upside in it for you.

• Why did your current employer wait till you resigned to call this meeting?

I hope this Blog helps you if you find yourself facing this inevitable meeting. Remember, your resignation may have caught your employer off guard. They may have had the impression you were well placed and happy.

I am always encouraging clients to have informal meeting at least semi-annually to just talk about career pathing. Turnover can be avoided with great open communication and dialogue.  Too often companies don’t know they have an employee who was not happy…until they are staring at a resignation letter.

Blog Post by: Bill O’Malley, Chief Recruiting Officer at Connector Team Recruiting.  Connector Team is recognized by leaders and leading consultants as the premier search firm in the Furniture | Appliance and Sleep vertical space. Connector Team is an affiliate office of MRINETWORK recently ranked in the Top 10 in Recruitment Firms by Forbes Magazine.

So you finally landed your dream job. The listing looked perfect, you’re making more than your last position and your co-workers couldn’t be kinder.

There just one problem; your boss is a complete jerk.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Based on a recent survey reported by LinkedIn, nearly two-thirds of Americans dislike their bosses so much, they’d rather see him or her fired than receive a higher paycheck.

Like anyone else, bosses can have their bad days, when nothing seems to be going right and can ultimately take out their frustration on the people they oversee. But these types of manifestations can get old real quick when there’s seemingly no off switch to your boss’ discontentment button.

No one wants to work for a jerk, but you may be able to get a read on your supervisor’s penchant for churlishness during the interview by dropping certain clues. Here are five red flags to be on the lookout for to determine if your boss could be a nightmare come true:

1. Lots of talking, little listening

Give and take is what it’s all about when you’re interviewing for a position, but if the person you’re talking to is hogging the conversation, it can be an indication of what they’ll be like when you’re actually on the job. Aside from doing all the talking, other classic signs of not listening can include failure to make eye contact, easily distracted – whether by people or technology – or asking you about something that you already mentioned.

2. It’s all about ‘me’ 

The saying, “there’s no I in team” couldn’t be more true, so be on alert if your soon-to-be boss is almost entirely self-referential during the interview, when discussing the successes of the company, or explaining only his or her background and accomplishments. Taking all the credit – or laying claim to it when it isn’t due – is a major pet peeve of many employees today, according to several polls – and it ought to be, as good bosses always put their people first and foremost.

3. Badmouths their employees

Bosses have their opinions about the people they oversee, but they should keep those feeling to themselves – and certainly not discuss them with you during the interview. If they speak poorly of others – or previous candidates they interviewed – it can be insight into the type of person they are, the kind that you’re better off avoiding.

4. Seems in a rush

Everyone is busy, and bosses more often than not fall into the pressed for time category. Yet if the managers interviewing you seem like they’re giving you the bum rush – such as by constantly fidgeting, looking at their watches or not letting you finish your sentence – they may not have the time for you on those days when you could really use their guidance.

5. Nice to the nth-degree

Good bosses will want to make a good first impression, but if their niceties come across as inauthentic, be wary, warned workplace psychologist and career coach Janet Scarborough Civelli.

“If you feel like you are walking on air after an interview because a prospective boss made you feel like the most special person on the planet, that’s could be a bad sign,” Civelli told Business News Daily. “Authentic people are more likely to connect with you without the hardcore wooing.”

Remember, the job interview is a two-way street: You’re getting a read on them every bit as much as they are towards you. Trust your instincts and you can avoid those managers that make workdays a living nightmare.

6. Last but not the least in terms of importance

If you do not hear a coherent and clear vision or blueprint for the company from the leader, this is not a great sign. Just like you as a candidate should have a great elevator pitch, likewise you should hear the same coming from across the desk.

Have you ever worked for someone that made you ask yourself…just how in the world did this person get to that level? You know the kind of person that I’m talking about, the unapproachable, all about getting the results at any cost type of boss.  They sit behind their desk and try to manage by their authority and power and typically don’t have a pulse or clue as to what is happening on their floor, in their showroom or in the distribution center.

Typically, you’ll find this profile leader managing more by the Dashboard and they’ve forgotten that there is a team or a collective group responsible for attaining those all-important numbers.

As a recruiter another profile I hear about all the time is the MICRO-MANAGER. This manager means well but causes disruption and stifles creativity by being over involved.  They constantly worry about everything and have no clear vision or belief system. They don’t understand the value of collaboration and teamwork in the workplace and do not share connectivity resulting in having no true influence with their team.

Great Leadership defined:

Tony Robbins, the award winning motivational speaker is a subject matter expert in teaching about Leadership Traits.  Here is one of his definitions of Leadership from his writings.

 “Leadership isn’t a position — it’s a skill and a tool you can continually cultivate and use to create lasting change and provide certainty to others in times of uncertainty. And it’s founded on the idea of influence.

Can you influence yourself? Can you influence the thoughts, feelings and emotions of another human being? How about a group of human beings? That’s what leadership is. An idea is only an idea, one that will ultimately die, unless you can become a person of influence — a person who can influence and lead your team toward that idea’s fruition.  https://www.tonyrobbins.com/what-is-leadership/

Unfortunately, there are many bosses out there that do not inspire their teams and therefore they are vulnerable to talent drain and turnover. From my seat as an Executive Recruiter I’ve seen how great bosses can literally insulate their companies from turnover.  In fact, I’ve found that when I call into a company with a great inspirational leader there is virtually no presentation or pitch that I can use that will dislodge someone away from a great servant leader.

According to a recent survey by Glassdoor, one of the world’s largest job survey sites, “company culture matters more than pay as a driver of long-term employee satisfaction and engagement”.

At our firm we also like this quote from the Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM). “Dissatisfied workers don’t leave their jobs – they leave their bosses”.

Just for fun…here is a cartoon that really nails it:

After seeing this cartoon, I just had to gain permission and include it since I recognized so many of the management styles that I’ve seen over the course of my own experiences and work lives. I have to say, for the most part I’ve had some amazing bosses and mentors especially early career. They really made the difference in my career tracks.  I really love the “The Seagull” and “Pitchfork” these two are my favorites. Over the years I’ve really seen them wreak havoc in the workplace.

So how can you determine whether your Company has Strong Leaders, Not Bosses?Here are some traits on how to determine if you have Leaders who inspire vs just being a boss from our Center for Recruiting Excellence at the MRINETWORK. Are leaders born or made? It’s an interesting question that produces a plethora of answers. But here’s something that isn’t up for debate: People are naturally attracted to leaders.

Leaders possess capabilities that can inspire others to become their best, something that business owners eagerly seek in the people they hire and the individuals they currently employ. When you recognize leadership qualities in your workforce, you can’t afford to let them get away. As a result, companies are always looking to identify leadership skills within potential hires to ensure they have a strong base of leaders that can drive the organization forward. These skills include the ability to motivate staff and drive innovation, while doing so with a sense of integrity, transparency and diplomacy.

A great way to gain insight on whether someone is more of a boss or a leader is to do your homework during the hiring process. For example, if you’re interviewing an applicant for a management opening, asking them a few questions about how they led various projects or initiatives will tell you a lot about their leadership style.

Additionally, calling one or two of the candidate’s references can give you an idea of whether the person was highly regarded for their leadership capabilities in their previous position. The length of their relationship can also provide insight.

How do you ensure you have leaders who inspire instead of bosses who discourage? Here are a few suggestions:

Leaders avoid micromanaging and consider others their equals

As discussed in The Muse, even though managers may be authority figures, they shouldn’t see themselves as “better than” the workers who are in their charge. The best managers view their relationship as more of a partnership, rather than a one-way street where the manager directs, and workers perform. Additionally, leaders give their staff autonomy, adopting a more “hands-off” approach to management. In the 2016 CareerBuilder survey, respondents who gave their managers a high letter grade were more likely to work for leaders who they didn’t consider to be a micro-manager.

Leaders take a genuine interest in their team members

Employees have lives beyond the office, spending their time with family members, friends, projects at home or activities within their community. Leaders aim to get to know their team on an individual basis, forming a more personal relationship while at the same time learning about qualities that can contribute to the growth of the business, like expertise that isn’t currently be utilized, or traits such as patience or perseverance that would lend themselves well on a special project. Knowing someone at an individual fosters trust and encourages people to give it their all.

Leaders prioritize relationships and results

Managers in leadership positions are responsible for ensuring work is completed effectively so growth never ceases. Overbearing bosses may still be able to achieve solid results, but it may produce diminishing returns if employees are at their wits’ end and ultimately decide to quit in search of greener pastures. Leaders recognize the value of relationships. They prioritize finding solutions to issues that may be troubling workers and ultimately impeding their work output. Leaders also put greater emphasis on results that are achieved through demanding yet, reasonable processes rather than processes that are tedious and unnecessarily taxing.

“Whether it comes naturally or develops over time, leadership is an indispensable asset that can help your business reach its goals, “Fostering strong leadership and leveraging it to drive the organization forward can be the difference between a run-of-the-mill operation and a truly extraordinary one.”

In today’s competitive workplace you can inoculate yourself from most turnover by influencing and leading others.  One of the questions I often ask executives when conducting a screening interview is this; tell me what your peers and direct reports say about you in the lunchroom or at the water cooler?  Their answer to this question tells me a lot about their style and whether or not they’ve ever given any thought to influencing others.

I believe we never can stop learning and growing. If you have a favorite type of manager you’ve encountered in the past please send me a note.  bill@connectorteamrecruiting.com

Blog Post by: Bill O’Malley, Chief Recruiting Officer at Connector Team Recruiting.  Connector Team is recognized by leaders and leading consultants as the premier search firm in the Furniture | Appliance and Sleep vertical space. Connector Team is an affiliate office of MRINETWORK recently ranked in the Top 10 in Recruitment Firms by Forbes Magazine.